


The Good

by conceptstage



Series: Single Chapter Critical Role [87]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Headcanon, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 00:23:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20461985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conceptstage/pseuds/conceptstage
Summary: Caduceus contemplates the M9's goodness when he realizes just how hopeless they really are.





	The Good

Maybe it shouldn’t be such a surprise. Maybe Caduceus should have seen the way they hoarded secrets like dragons, or the way they stared at the ground whenever anyone with any amount of authority passed them by, or how they went into every single situation with the assumption that they would fail. To be fair, he did notice those things, but he had never made the connection before today.

“Do none of you have experience being trusted?”

None of them answer him and that is answer enough.

So, no, he shouldn’t have been surprised that they couldn’t see the good in themselves. But he was, because he saw it everyday.

He saw the good in Nott every night when she took a moment to check on each and every member of the Nein before going to sleep. When they were out and had to camp, she would make sure that she made eye contact with everyone before closing her eyes for the night. The others were used to it now and would often look at Nott without prompting whenever she finished laying out her bedroll. At the Xorhaus, she walked through the house, knocking on the doors and muttering a goodnight, waiting outside the door until she heard one in return. In the mornings, when someone woke up from nightmares, she would take it upon herself to make sure that they ate something no matter how much insisting (from Jester and Fjord) or whining (from Beau and Caleb) about how they weren’t even hungry was sent her way.

He saw the good in Fjord when he smiled at Jester, even when she didn’t really make sense. The way he supported them all on shoulders that weren’t always strong enough for that weight. The way he stood up for his friends but never himself. There was so much potential in him that Caduceus knew just needed a little bit of nurturing in order to bloom beautifully. He watched him teach Beau how to smile (“No, you’re not barring your teeth like it’s a fucking threat,” he had said, fondly amused. “You’re happy, turn the corners of her mouth up like this. No, no, big fat no, that’s downright scary.”) and wondered how many times he had had to give these lessons to himself in the mirror to smile around his tusks.

He saw the good in Jester everyday. She overflowed with goodness like she was compensating for something. Maybe she was. There was sadness in her eyes when she thought that no one was looking but she smiled through the pain because she’d taken it upon herself to keep the others from feeling bad. He could see the dam breaking, the tears that gathered in her eyes even as she grinned, the tremble in her voice when she sang and joked, the dark, cool colors in all her recent artwork. The day she painted a blue, wilting flower on some paper she’d stolen from Caleb, Caduceus had sat beside her and let her lean against him in silence. He wasn’t sure what to say to fix her but his presence seemed to help, at least a little bit.

He had seen the good in Yasha before all the good had been stolen from her. He had seen the way she loved with all of her heart, the way she gave her all to everything that she put her mind to. There was still good in her. He knew it. She just needed a reminder. She needed to remember how she was capable of loving someone so much that their loss broke her entirely. 

It had been harder, right away, to see the good in Beau and Caleb, but he had caught onto their games pretty quickly. 

He saw the good in Caleb even though Caleb himself didn’t believe that it was there. Hidden under all the slouching and the self hatred there was a shining nugget of good, Caduceus was sure of it. No one who loved his friends so completely, who participated in and encouraged Jester’s antics, who could spend hours running his fingers through Nott’s hair when she missed her family, who reached for Beau on instinct, like a lifeline, whenever he couldn't stand on his own power anymore could be without good.

He saw the good in Beau even though she pretended it wasn’t there. She covered her goodness with snark and sarcasm, with bruises and blood. Little by little he saw her letting the shine come through, but then she would panic and shroud it once more in darkness so that she could pretend that it wasn’t there at all. He saw the way she smothered her kindness the moment it eeked out of her smile and brushed her vulnerability under a rug like it was something to be ashamed of. Out of all of them, he was the least confident that he could help her. His words and his assurances would only do so much. Beau needed proof that she was allowed to be good, she would never take it on faith.

He had seen these people call themselves assholes, call themselves failures and screw ups and pieces of shit. But he saw the good in them. 

And, someday, maybe they and the world would see it too.


End file.
